WE'RE ALL MAD HERE

last weekend i got a tattoo from Rob of the cheshire cat from Alica and Wonderland and beneath the furry little devil read "we're all mad here." i absolutely love it. i can not be anymore satisfied with it. although, it's not healing as perfectly as i would have liked it to. all i know is that i'm really sore from it and trying really hard not to itch it. the only downside to getting it at this spot is that it's taking forever to heal! i'm limiting all my left arm movements, well at least trying to. i haven't been to the gym since because of the healing process. it's been almost a week now. i feel like such a fatass and all the work i put in this summer is going to waste. as soon as this baby heels, i'm kicking it into high gear on my workout regime.

nothing feels as good as being skinny

from this day forward i'm not going to let anyone influence how i view my body. i've been working out all summer, and i seriously have not seen any results from it. people tell me i don't need to be working out and that i'm already skinny. how i view it is that, well everyone needs to workout and i'm not the skinny i want to be. so everyone needs to get off my jock and stop telling me that i'm crazy for wanting to be skinnier. i know how i want my body to look like, i'm not going to go anorexic or anything, i just have this body image that i want to achieve. a big reason for me not having noticeable results is that, when i eat, i eat until i get full. sometimes i eat when i'm not even hungry just to make my father happy that i'm eating. or sometimes when i go out to eat with people, i just order for the sake of eating so they don't think i'm on a diet or anything. it's so embarrassing to admit it to people, that i'm trying to cut back on the food i eat. because people just say, "dude, you're already skinny, are you crazy?" and people just feel like diets are stupid and i'm some skinny bitch who wants to keep getting skinnier. but honestly that saying, "nothing feels as good as being skinny," it's true for me. i feel amazing after workouts and disgusting after eating.

sitting, laughing, mocking

excuse me while i sit here
i'll be here for a while
i've been here forever
it's not my intention and was never my style
but neither is yours
i'd rather have none
but i sit here, watching
making a mockery of those who have chose to have one
it's not loathing, it's not jealousy
it's satisfaction i get from those in greater misery
i'm not satanic, nor do i believe
it just makes things easier
i'm in between
but not have i once looked up
i keep my head down
i'm on top from my point of view
i'm vain, i'm evil, i'm not good enough
but i'm better than you

obsessed

I am a woman obsessed. When I'm not keeping myself busy with stuff, I'm constantly thinking about working out. (I'm won't be exaggerating in this post.) I'll be brushing my teeth doing lunges, watching TV and doing stretches, doing leg squats while I'm baking or cooking something, power walking while I text, leg lifts while Joseph is on the computer, trust me, there's more. I feel like the couple hours at the gym I spend each day, will never amount to the calories I eat each day. I can't eat "healthy" for the life of me. No matter how much I try to watch my calories I can't resist the temptation of a quick run to in n out, lollicup, etc.