boobs

i drove to the Huntington-Hill Breast Center in Pasadena with no expectations what-so-ever. backstory: there's this lump in my left breast. i thought nothing of it, since everyone's been telling me it's common in women and it's most likely just built up excess tissue. as i walked in, accompanied by Joseph, i was greeted with a young lady, possibly in her 20's, at the front desk. the waiting room was elegant and consisted of a silent waterfall and plasma screen tv's playing a sandra bullock chick flick, of course. although, the lady at the front desk was the only person in there that was within 30 years of my age group. every woman in there was in their 40's or 60's and i couldn't help but worry and think that i didn't belong there.
my name was called and i was sent to this dressing room and put on this surprisingly fancy robe, unlike the paper ones i'm use to. i put my clothes in this locker i was assigned to, saw a sign that read, "Ultrasound Waiting Room," and waited there. this was the fanciest clinic i've ever been to. although, the whole place screamed out serenity, my mind was screaming insanity. i did not want to be there.
my name was called once again, i was not in the ultrasound room. i lied on my back and the radiologist squeezed this gooey substance on my left breast. she began to examine it. she left, within 2 minutes the doctor comes in and explains my results. she told me that i may have a fibroadenoma. not cancer, ok i can breathe now. she told me that the lump is in fact growing and is fairly larger than normal for someone my age. fibroadenoma is basically a benign tumor, non cancerous.
so now i have to get a biopsy, which is performed by taking medicine to numb myself, then they make a surgical cut and they stick some sort of wire down my boob and get a sample of my breast tissue. if it's "not a good thing," then i'll have to go through surgery to take it out.
man.. this sucks so bad. i do not want another scar on my body. but i am excited to go back there. i love it there, the whole environment is so beautiful.

school

the fall semester has kicked off and i'm really regretting growing up and not having "the college experience." the drive there, even though i only go twice a week, is a pain in the ass. everything is pretty much the same. i wake up early, get to school and wonder how i even got there due to sleep deprivation, i still get the same up and down stares from people, i'm not even awake by the time my last class starts, then i race back home and take a nap.
i absolutely hate it. it was discover fest at my school this past week and i really want to join clubs. i feel like clubs are so key to networking, that if i'm not in one, i'll never be able to find potential employers. the first thing i asked each booth i was interested in joining was, "when are the meetings?" and none of them fall on a tuesday and thursday. just my luck. things would be so much easier if i just lived in fullerton. but i don't. i already struggle paying for gas; constantly transferring money from my savings to my checking account.

WE'RE ALL MAD HERE

last weekend i got a tattoo from Rob of the cheshire cat from Alica and Wonderland and beneath the furry little devil read "we're all mad here." i absolutely love it. i can not be anymore satisfied with it. although, it's not healing as perfectly as i would have liked it to. all i know is that i'm really sore from it and trying really hard not to itch it. the only downside to getting it at this spot is that it's taking forever to heal! i'm limiting all my left arm movements, well at least trying to. i haven't been to the gym since because of the healing process. it's been almost a week now. i feel like such a fatass and all the work i put in this summer is going to waste. as soon as this baby heels, i'm kicking it into high gear on my workout regime.

nothing feels as good as being skinny

from this day forward i'm not going to let anyone influence how i view my body. i've been working out all summer, and i seriously have not seen any results from it. people tell me i don't need to be working out and that i'm already skinny. how i view it is that, well everyone needs to workout and i'm not the skinny i want to be. so everyone needs to get off my jock and stop telling me that i'm crazy for wanting to be skinnier. i know how i want my body to look like, i'm not going to go anorexic or anything, i just have this body image that i want to achieve. a big reason for me not having noticeable results is that, when i eat, i eat until i get full. sometimes i eat when i'm not even hungry just to make my father happy that i'm eating. or sometimes when i go out to eat with people, i just order for the sake of eating so they don't think i'm on a diet or anything. it's so embarrassing to admit it to people, that i'm trying to cut back on the food i eat. because people just say, "dude, you're already skinny, are you crazy?" and people just feel like diets are stupid and i'm some skinny bitch who wants to keep getting skinnier. but honestly that saying, "nothing feels as good as being skinny," it's true for me. i feel amazing after workouts and disgusting after eating.

sitting, laughing, mocking

excuse me while i sit here
i'll be here for a while
i've been here forever
it's not my intention and was never my style
but neither is yours
i'd rather have none
but i sit here, watching
making a mockery of those who have chose to have one
it's not loathing, it's not jealousy
it's satisfaction i get from those in greater misery
i'm not satanic, nor do i believe
it just makes things easier
i'm in between
but not have i once looked up
i keep my head down
i'm on top from my point of view
i'm vain, i'm evil, i'm not good enough
but i'm better than you

obsessed

I am a woman obsessed. When I'm not keeping myself busy with stuff, I'm constantly thinking about working out. (I'm won't be exaggerating in this post.) I'll be brushing my teeth doing lunges, watching TV and doing stretches, doing leg squats while I'm baking or cooking something, power walking while I text, leg lifts while Joseph is on the computer, trust me, there's more. I feel like the couple hours at the gym I spend each day, will never amount to the calories I eat each day. I can't eat "healthy" for the life of me. No matter how much I try to watch my calories I can't resist the temptation of a quick run to in n out, lollicup, etc.

cute without the e

This is old, but this made me realize that I really don't know how to cut bangs. wtf was a i thinking? bahaha

street fair with my niece

This little girl, is my niece Kaydence. Yes, she was named after a musical term, "cadence," which is the beat or measure of a rhythmic motion. It's usually at the end of each line of a song. Sorry, I use to be a band nerd.
Katryna, Joseph, and I decided to take this girl to the street fair today. We paid to get into this mini petting zoo, which was a total rip off because I just felt bad the whole time and I wanted to get out of there ASAP. It's obvious the goats, pigs, ducks, and bunnies were aggravated and did not want to be handled by demon little kids. It's seriously animal cruelty and I hope that lady counting her cash at the entrance heard me.
Afterwards we had funnel cake and I saw Abdul working this food booth, what a cool guy. I never really talked to the dude, or ever had a class, we just knew each other from basketball I think. I really don't remember how I met him.
After our delicious fueling, we found this adorable werewolf- ish hat that Kaydence loved. So we bought it. The best hat ever. It's so cute on her.

the missing piece

Joseph introduced this book by Shel Silverstein called, "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O," to me a while back. Every time I feel powerless or lonely I'm always reminded of this book. He told me that in order to be perfectly happy, you must be happy with yourself. To sum up the book, in mine and Joseph's interpretation, in order to be happy in a relationship, you can't solely rely on your other half to keep you happy. If anything was to go wrong in the relationship resulting in a break up, you don't want to feel like you're now "missing a piece." I certainly wouldn't want to feel lost and feeling like I don't know what to do with myself. Joseph tells me we shouldn't rely on each other to keep ourselves happy, we should be able to (just like the Big O) roll on our own. Joseph shouldn't be my crutch and I shouldn't be his either.

i set a light, it burns so bright

This is my boyfriend, Joseph Kyle De Luna. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

but I've been destitute

If any of you follow my blogspot, you would know that my sewing machine is broken. Joseph went to Michael Levine's in downtown Los Angeles and I spent over $80 in fabric and sewing patterns. I have so many materials just lying around and accumulating dust and bacteria. On a side note, my household cancelled our dish network package, so no more TV for me:/ Which also means that I can't watch Project Runway today.

TITS AND OBSESSIONS

My name is Kymberlie, I'm not new to blogspot, I just abandoned it for three years. Things have changed, and like all things, I have changed as well. I'm an aspiring fashion journalist and also aspire to own my own clothing line some day. I attend Cal State Fullerton where OC kids look at me up and down and exchange dirty looks. I work at American Apparel, the only workplace I know where you can flaunt your tits and right butt cheek and not be labeled an improper whore. I'm not religious, but i do have my point of view. I have a loving boyfriend, Joseph De Luna, whom I have been with for about more than 2 and a half years. I have a best friend, Ashley Bernabe, who is my light and reason for coming close borderline loner and distinguishes all comments of me having social incapabilities. My life is very orderly and structured, just the way I like it. I have an obsession with having a perfect "fit" body in fear of becoming a fat, bowl-cut asian woman. To combat that fear, I go to the gym many times and have a bit of an addiction to the treadmill. I drop my iPhone more than 5 times a day, (I should really invest in a cover), and my hair is down to my ass, (I should really cut it).